Communication: Arguments - even in a loving marriage

by - 12/27/2016

We have been married for 8 years. That is not a long time, but it's not short either. We got married when both of us have not a penny to our names. The circumstances in which we met and married has been somewhat surreal and what I can only describe as "fate." We have faced so many unusual obstacles and been through so much but not many people know or understand. At this moment in our lives, I can say that we have a very mature love and committed marriage that I can trust in. However, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage.

Arguments in a marriage is so common. How many hours have been I pour into research to understanding his personality, traits, habits, and feeling. How many time after a fight I vow to practice and work harder to not hurt him like I just did over something so small. How many nights where I go to sleep thinking how on Earth that we love each other so much... yet there is still so much miscommunication between us. It feels like no matter how much effort I put in... it is never enough for him. He of course did all of those things and wondered all of the same thing about me.

Communication is so crucial in a marriage. Do we say too much or too little. Why does it feel like we go in circle. One moment I feel like no way we will ever fight like that again... the very next I feel as though my husband never knew me at all.

The thing is... I have such an amazing husband. I don't say that likely, but he is. I know how lucky I am to married to such an amazing human being, who loves me with all of his heart... yet, why is that not enough. The thing is, there is no such thing as a perfect life. The high and low moments that life throw at you, the stress, the hormones, and so many other factors exist just to throw so many tests at your marriage each day! Add to that the challenge children and the financial struggles, lack of sleep and etc. How much quality time do we really have for each other, for our marriage?

We probably see people at work more than we have see our family on daily bases. How many date nights can busy parents with no outside help can really squeeze in a month? year? How much remained unsaid each day when we both so tired we basically on auto pilot. Days pass, weeks, months, then years pass... How can we catch up to that?

Making time for one another is so important... marriage is hard like that... even with the very best partner. Under an ideal world... a perfect life... I would have nothing to complain about, to fight about, to be upset with my husband about. We don't live in a perfect world... but that's why it's so interesting...

After all of those challenges, fights, and everything life throw in our ways, to break us apart... we are still together... still struggle to understand each other, to fight for us, and that's why marriage is wonderful as well.

"The opposite of love is not disagreements, but indifference." I read that somewhere... and it stucks with me. Even when we fight, we are communicating. We care enough to argue... it is our chance to help the other person to understand us more. When we stop caring... fighting to understand why the other person is upset... that my dear, is very dangerous. Marriage ends because we give up... there is no point fighting any more... no point of fighting for love.

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